Disclaimer: I’ll be mentioning some of my friends only because I care about them. If I didn’t give a d*** about them, I wouldn’t have brought them up. I don’t mean to offend anyone.
Here it goes…
I don’t see the worth in dating around. I consider my life and my time much too valuable to spend it doing something that has no long-term prospects. There I’ve said it.
I have a friend I’ll call Emily. Emily just broke up with a guy she had been dating (not around; it was a pretty serious relationship– as serious as a 21-year old’s relationship can be) with a guy a couple years her senior and who I did not like at all; I’ll call him Jeff. When I heard they had broken up a few months ago, I was over the moon jumping with joy (sorry, Emily whose name isn’t Emily). She’s far too good for him.
Fast-forward a few months later. You can imagine my reaction when she told me that Jeff had recently asked her (via GChat because he doesn’t think she’s worthy of a mere phone call!) whether “they had made a mistake.” A**hole. I’m sorry; I don’t normally express myself like this, especially about people, but I felt I had to do it nonetheless.
During the few months Em had been single (i.e. not really single, because the girl, bless her heart, I think has to always be with a guy) she went out with a few guys. What’s wrong with that? Nothing, really. But I just hate the whole, “I like going out with guys just to have a good time.” G-da** it, get a dog!
Anyways, Emily, Mary (another gal’s fake name) and I were talking recently. Turns out Mary, 22, had been recently asked out by some 18-year-old Frosh boy in one of her classes. Was I happy? No, so I faked it: “Cool!” I said. Ugh… It’s been said guys’ brains are what, 7 years younger than ours? So why date a human being who’s intellectually a KID? Just to say, “I’m dating so-and-so”? Lame.
What I don’t want is to date around for experience’s sake. The way I see it, dating around implies faking a relationship with a bunch of people who may or may not want to commit to you. And that, to me, is WORTHLESS because I always want to go above and beyond with whatever endeavor I’m in. So if the guy I’m with expects a (good) one-time whatever, then the hell with him; he ain’t worth it.
And I don’t understand why girls like me don’t think like this. Instead, Em and Mary say they want to “have a good time” by dating around. Ew. Sounds a little oxymoronic and masochistic, but that’s me.
Why do they think they’re good enough for a guy who could pass for their younger brother? Why have a bunch of meaningless dates (even with the same loser [sorry Emily]) when they can date sometime who wants them for the long haul?
My Alternative
As you may have guessed, I don’t date around. And because guys either know this already or simply guess it from my demeanor and the way I behave (i.e. flirty, but to an extent; oh, and I never ask for their ph. # or even “chase” them because that is their job), I don’t date that often either. (Note: there are “candidates” and guys I consider dateable.) I’ve even been told I’m “intimidating” but whatever. At least that keeps me safe from idiots who expect more than what they’re willing to give me.
So here’s my plan: Ladies, let’s be women. Let’s enjoy ourselves and develop our careers, our lives, our networks… Instead of dating boys, losers, and one-timers, let’s instead advance our standards of living by furthering everything else that we’re about. When you date around, you’re negating yourselves all the amazing opportunities to be with a man who wants you and only you for the long-term. Not only that, but you’re also attracting more of that kind of harmful, indecisive, doubtful energy.
Do you really want to be surrounded by an unstable future where you don’t ever know the meaning of X’s kiss, or that of the make-out session you had with Y, or that of the bracelet Z bought you because they’ve all pretty much started to mix/overlap a la Venn?
Are you not worth what you know you deserve? Think about it.
