hope these help

Miscarriage & Stillbirth Resources

I wish we had met under different circumstances.

Hello

  • If, like us, you (or someone you know) have lost a baby due to miscarriage or a stillbirth and are looking for resources, here I’ve compiled those we’ve either taken advantage of ourselves or were referred to after losing our second kiddo, in addition to others we’ve come across that we thought would be helpful.
  • Some to most of these resources are Catholic. After our tragedy, we leaned into our faith more strongly than ever; we needed God and his Church badly.
  • However, since we couldn’t find much that was specifically for Catholics (much less for Catholics in Utah) on our own, we connected with our Diocese and they helped open many doors for us. Some of the resources you’ll see below came from the Diocese; others from organizations we’ve worked with, and others from our research.
  • Overtime, our family has learned many good things and experienced numerous blessings along the way thanks to our steadfast commitment, these wonderful aids, and our community.
  • We hope they help you as well, and ask that you please contact me to let us know if you need further assistance, or even a prayer.
  • We’re very sorry you’ve had to look for this and pray that you find healing and solace in due time.. We’ll continue updating this list and adding new resources as time goes on.

you’re not alone

Helpful Books

Joining this “club” can feel lonely, like no one understands what you’re going through. Hopefully these authors and their books can show you otherwise.

by: Karen Edmisten

After Miscarriage

Hands-down, my TOP recommendation for Catholics who’ve suffered child loss due to miscarriage or stillbirth. I learned a lot about my faith and coping from her and the other women who shared their stories.

By: Heidi Indahl

Blessed Is The Fruit of Thy Womb

Part-journal and part-self-help book, this one was also very instructive in how I dealt with it all. Its prompts are neat and inspiring

by: Laura and Franco Fanucci

Grieving Together

“If you like to read, and are looking for a couple’s resource book, I have been told a book called Grieving Together- A Couple’s Journey Through Miscarriage is also a good resource.”

Legal

At the hospital

Mortuary

  • Fill out the paperwork thoroughly and check your work.
  • Find a mortuary to help you with the funeral arrangements.
    • We went with Memorial because that’s the one we received the most information on, its staff is available 24/7 (you’ll find you have questions at odd hours during the day; having someone available right then is very helpful), and because the cremation services were free for parents of infants and preterm babies.
    • In hindsight, we’d have still picked Memorial because of how beautifully they treated our baby. (However, the funeral director that was assigned to us left much to be desired and her service skills need work, but everyone else was lovely.)

Autopsy

  • If you need an autopsy done, make sure you are very specific about requesting it so you fill out the necessary paperwork.
  • Primary Children’s will pick up your baby’s body after you leave, perform the autopsy, and once it’s finished, the staff will transport their body to the mortuary. The mortuary will then contact you to set a time for a meeting to make all the necessary arrangements.
  • If you’re having a Catholic service, then you can skip most of what the mortuary will offer, and they’ll then only handle the cremation.

Legal

Afterwards

Death Certificate

  • In Utah, MAIL the form(s) you received re: your baby’s death + a copy of the Driver’s License of the parent requesting/signing the Death Certificate + payment to:
  • If outside of Utah, please contact your hospital or your state’s Office of Vital Records for information. you with the funeral arrangements.

Remembrance

At the Hospital

These are things you or someone you trust will want to take care of during your hospital stay.

  • Contact SHARE Parents if you or the hospital hasn’t already at 801-272-5355 and info@shareparentsofutah.org. (Sometimes the hospital will do this without you finding out shortly after your arrival: cherish this.)
  • Call your local parish and ask the pastor to come and offer a blessing. Here is the US Conference of Catholic Bishops’ official blessing for parents, but your priest may also perform a short prayer service that incorporates beautiful elements.
  • Contact a cemetery if you want to bury the baby’s body or cremated remains (AKA “cremains”) for information.
    • Unlike most, the local Catholic cemetery offered the lot for free as part of another family’s large donation towards baby grave sites.
  • TAKE YOUR TIME, REST, PRAY, SLEEP.
  • Share the news as much or as little as you’re comfortable. Many will want to help: let them.

Remembrance

Afterwards

Cemetery, Grave Marker, etc.

  • We contacted our local Catholic cemetery for information.
  • We also met with local gravestone makers. We designed his marker and paid a deposit to schedule its manufacture.
    • In our area, a “baby marker” (21″ x 11″) costs $600-$1400 and can take four-twelve months to get made.
  • Set a date for the graveside service with your cemetery AND your priest. Then invite whoever you want there with you.
  • A Mom’s Peace is a Catholic apostolate that has an online “Garden of Remembrance” which can be helpful especially for those who were not able to bury their child.
  • Your parish may offer the option to have a Mass said in your baby’s name: If not this year, then on their next birthday, and every year after that if you wish. Contact the secretary if you want to set that up.
  • Our local Carmelite Monastery also offers to include the names of your loved ones in their prayers and Masses throughout the year.
  • Donate in your baby’s name to organizations and charities that help babies, unborn babies, children, and parents suffering with pregnancy or infant loss, incl. Share Parents, A Mom’s Peace, an underrated children’s or women’s hospital, St. Martha’s Baby Project, Every Mother Counts, or similar organizations.

Physiological

Healing Your Body

But first: Consult your doctor!

  • Wear a tight sports bra to help prevent your milk from coming in. If your breasts leak, wear nursing pads and have a cry or several over that if you want.
  • Take it easy and avoid heavy exercise for a few weeks.
  • Take some Miralax, Colase, and fiber, and drink plenty of water.
  • Your Prenatals should also help replenish what you lost after heavy bleeding if you delivered the baby or the placenta naturally.
  • (I don’t know post-D&C care.)

Psychological

Healing Your Mind (At least a little)

Parish Resources

According to our amazing contact at the Diocese, “There is a wonderful group called Red Bird Ministries whose mission is to serve those who have lost a child”:

It was founded by Ryan and Kelly Breaux who have suffered loss themselves. I met Kelly last year and I can tell you they are a true blessing to those of us who have suffered the loss of a child. They have many resources available.

If you feel so inclined, you may even start a Red Bird Ministries or Bereavement Group at your parish to help those who’ve lost a child or someone dear to them.

You may also consider seeking the help of a Spiritual Director at your parish: Simply ask the secretary for information on individuals who are willing to serve as your Spiritual Director. For a while our Deacon was mine and he’s outstanding, so I don’t doubt you’ll find someone who greatly helps strengthen your relationship with the Lord.

Counseling

I began working with a therapist for the first time in my life after losing our baby. I was really struggling with all kinds of feelings. If you are, too, know that this is completely normal. I’m more than happy to give you the information of our Utah-based Catholic therapist, who helped me tremendously if you contact me.

Counseling (Continued)

Your doctor can refer you to grief counselors and therapists that you should connect with in order to learn coping resources so you can grieve more healthfully.

Our Diocese contact shared with us the name and contact information of a local licensed counselor who also happens to be Catholic (she’s who I was referring to above and I highly recommend her).

She also let me know about these organizations outside of Utah:

When is it the right time?

Conception After Pregnancy Loss

This is between you and God

Talk to your doctor about conceiving your next baby WHEN YOU’RE READY. You may want more children soon or long after your loss. Find out when it’s safe for YOU to conceive as well.

Communicate extensively with your husband about both your timelines, fears, and expectations. Talk about it all.

If you are struggling with infertility, “Springs in the Desert is a wonderful organization to provide support and resources.”

We’re grateful to have conceived our youngest so relatively soon after losing Baby Owen. If you’re experiencing secondary infertility, please talk to your provider, and if necessary, a Catholic doctor or fertility specialist.

Like I said, we’ll keep adding resources to this list as time goes on. For now, we hope you found them helpful and please don’t hesitate to contact me if you need help with this.