To The Mommy Vloggers Who Share Their Kids Online
It’s no secret that I’m not fond of mommy vloggers, or at least of SOME mommy vloggers, specifically, those who share their family’s goings-on online and exploit their kids or violate their safety and privacy for the sake of “engagement” (Likes, comments) and/or worst of all, money.
I’ve been on-and-off following an influencer I’ll call Kayla (because that’s her name) since our oldest was in my belly. I was pregnant during a pandemic so I was living in a a seemingly perpetual state of blissful ignorance where I nested and napped daily while enjoying having my husband at home after his employer started (and hasn’t ended TO THIS DAY, much to our family’s delight :)) mandatory work-from-home.
Videos as solace
Aside from a vigorous early-morning earthquake and the potential lack of toilet paper, food, essentials, AND non-essentials on store shelves by the time our kiddo would be born, I was blessed to not have had many worries during my pregnancy, and I used a lot of my time to watch how other moms were faring under the circumstances. I didn’t know a thing about parenting and figured these moms had at least a few things figured out, so I thought I needed to learn something from them.
I was specifically focused on videos where moms listed their “Newborn Essentials” because I “needed” to know what to buy and not buy for those first few months. Somehow Kayla popped on my feed one day and I was fascinated from the first video I watched. Back then, she had an infant boy and a toddler girl and I remember being very interested in her suggestions because she had double the number of kids I did.
Fast-forward a few years, and I couldn’t be more disillusioned and disappointed in these mommy vloggers, including Kayla.
Don’t get me wrong: I still watch the occasional video with gift ideas from her and others even though I know they’re just ploys to get people to pay them a commission and reward them for their exploitative work. (Do I then remove their affiliate username/code from the URL? Yes, I do.)
But I stay away from their main content where their kids are featured because I won’t want to give them those views. (I explain more below.)
Do I now know that God (and not videos of seemingly happy moms) should’ve been and should always be my solace instead of other people’s lives or other irrelevant crap? Yes, but be kind: it took me a few years to figure this out.
Without further ado, I thought to include a letter I recently emailed Kayla in response to a video where she explained that she erroneously believes her kids are still fine being shared online because she doesn’t post anything questionable (clothing- or situation-wise) about them. And I thought I was blissfully ignorant: imagine living with THAT mentality!!
I could go on, but I’ll let the letter detail my reasons why sharing kids online is plain WRONG.
Dear Kayla
Though I’m not a subscriber, I’ve been following your content since [your second child] was an infant, when we were expecting our oldest. I don’t watch your videos with the kids but I do watch some of your Q&As and gift ideas a couple times a year.
In a Q&A you were asked why you kept your kids online despite all the risks. As I understood it, you seemed to have explained that you know there are risks, but that because you don’t feature your kids in compromising situations or outfits, that they’ll be fine.
Your response has been living “rent-free” in my head for a bit, and I hope you don’t mind me responding here directly rather than leaving an anonymous comment. I felt called to share my perspective with the hopes that it’ll hopefully give you some food for thought.
A few years ago you also explained that you liked filming the kids because it’d be something cool for them to watch later on. Then more recently you said instead that they’re safe because you don’t film everything, and that you do it mainly to show a world that seems to be very anti-family and anti-kids how fun kids actually are and what a happy family looks like. From what I understood, you hoped that by sharing your family, others will want to think about having kids and to not consider kids burdens .
I’m a fellow Catholic (and homeschooler! and advocate for lots of toys!) but don’t worry; I don’t weaponize my religion. I just said that to show that we have a few things in common.
In this case, I’ll go ahead and propose that your response seemed a little prideful to me, and perhaps selfish. Notice that you never mentioned that you filming and posting them online helped the kids, or that you kept them online for *their* sake (because, between you and me, the terms “kids online” and “safe” are contradictory, but I digress).
If you were filming actually for them, you’d be better off keeping everything private. That way they know you cared to catch almost everything but their memories stayed within your family (as it should be).
This past Lent I learned that I, too, struggle with pride. Though I don’t have social media, rare is the day where I didn’t feel superior and/OR inferior to someone else. The devil loves to lie and make me think I’m better than and not as good as others..instead of making me focus on God alone and glorifying him through my family. That’s something that this year’s Lent has shown me and that I’ve started working on. After all, God doesn’t deserve any less.
Anyways, in your case, I think it’s a little less obvious so pardon my unsolicited intrusion.
You may not think you’re better or less than others, but your explanation made it seem as though you DO care more to be “of the world” than of God’s: Like being and keeping the kids in your safe inner circle weren’t enough and you’re therefore seeking pleasing others (by way of showing them what happy kids look like) rather than keeping your kids private and safe online.
For most of human history, kids weren’t paraded or showcased for others to gawk at. And people still kept having kids! Some people, lots of them! Meaning showcasing yours so that other people think whatever shouldn’t be a priority–protecting them should.
I honestly don’t care to see yours (or know their health stats) so I avoid videos with them and videos with other kids in general because they seem exploitative. Kids deserve better.
Our Millennial childhoods
Remember your childhood? As a fellow millennial, I can attest to how priceless growing up safely and privately offline was. My parents were wise and didn’t care to document my life in public. But many of today’s kids aren’t that lucky despite having parents who did enjoy such privacy and safety growing up.
Why can’t kids nowadays enjoy that too? Aren’t they good enough? All kids are blessings; they’re special.. but none are more special than others and none deserve to be treated as such with the pretense that “it’s for other people.”
I came across these that I thought you’d appreciate so you know it’s not just me making these statements:
- The first is by Brett Cooper on the dangers of posting kids online:
- The second is a very real look into its risks by an European company:
- The third and fourth are by more mainstream (!) outlets:
- And this last one is by the daughter of a disgraced influencer (who’s in jail now) on how much she regrets all that her mom shared. (Note: she and her siblings were abused by their mom but she focuses on what was shared online.)
As you can see, what kids wear or do doesn’t really affect the outcomes.
The world doesn’t deserve my children–only God does. His will be done and it’s them I have to help get to Heaven–not other people or what others think about our kids. Other people’s opinions don’t matter–only God’s.
Lastly (and thank you for reading all this), a story from our pre-Cana days almost eight years ago:
Something our dear priest said that’s always stuck with me is that in a world that’s seeking to destroy families, my would-be husband and I needed to be a light and a good example so others would see what a wholesome, happy marriage looked like.
He didn’t say to start a channel and violate our privacy or that of our family for the sake of the world’s opinions. The mandate/request to share our family had nothing to do with destroying our family’s intimacy and privacy by inviting thousands of strangers into our home through a camera and unfairly putting my family in a fishbowl. It had more to do with situations like these, where we’re welcoming and hanging out with our Church community and priests so they’re encouraged to continue to shepherd their flock.
Truth, goodness, and beauty radiate naturally and IN PERSON; they don’t need to be broadcasted to strangers. Videos never show what’s true (you’ve said as much).
God’s the only one that matters, and in the end when I die, I’ll be able to tell him that yes, I took as good care as possible of His children: that I safeguarded their privacy and perhaps most importantly, that I didn’t live off them.
So please just give it some thought. No one deserves your kids. True fans (not the creepers who follow family accounts precisely to see others’ kids) will stay no matter what. In fact, many parents who practiced “sharenting” GAIN followers after quitting. I don’t know if you actually check your email or read or respond to your emails but I knew I needed to say something.
I hope you have a lovely rest of your day and Easter.
Thanks for stopping by today! Take care and God bless.
-Annie
