Recently we learned that Vice President Pence won’t dine with any other woman by himself, i.e., without his wife present.
The media backlash that resulted from this announcement was, in my mind, both unprecedented (“How could anyone disagree with this?” I thought) but not surprising (“Of course the mainstream media and modern feminists would attack it”).
My fiancé reached out to me about it and, as usual, he brought up something that, not many others discussed elsewhere.
But first, I’ll go a little into my take. I’ll close by sharing his take because it should be the star of this post. I’m sure you can guess what I’d say.
Boundaries in Marriage Are Healthy
I believe in separate finances. While I agree that my money and his money become our money after the Wedding, I believe our money will need separate “safes,” for lack of a better term. This way, the money he earns stays in his account (or “safe”); the money I earn stays in mine; and together we’ll have a joint account for stuff that, well, belongs to the “common safe.”
Anyways, I’ll write more on that later on.
Back to the so-called controversy of the Pences’ revelation.
I for one find it SO stupid that more people can’t think like that.
Modern feminists allege that that rule won’t let women get ahead in the workplace! Clearly he can’t be trusted around women! His wife must be a controlling b-word who won’t trust him! Wow, they’re such Neanderthals!
But here’s the thing: It is SMART for a woman to NOT dine by herself with a man–especially a married man.
Regardless of the man’s boundaries, SHE needs to know that a man in that setting, by himself, won’t necessarily say or do anything that’ll compromise either of them, but that’s still a position that belongs to his wife. She alone should be the only woman to have the luxury of being with him at night.
Can a man dine alone with another man at night and could this potentially help him advance at their company? Perhaps, but a man won’t just invite Random Joe out to dinner for a promotion–chances are he and Random Joe had that kind of rapport that allowed for that situation to arise.
In other words, those who allege that this rule potentially deprives women from advancement opportunities are out of their minds because women’s advancement shouldn’t depend on being buddies with men. I know that that’s how it is in some companies, but if yours is the kind where you know only men who get together at night get ahead, well, then, start packing.
I, too, am amicable with all my male colleagues but won’t ever consider getting together with either of them at night without someone else present. I trust them but I’m still not a fan of hanging out with them at a time that belongs to their wives, period.
There are some seemingly impossible circumstances and work requirements out there that might “require” you going to lunch and dinner dates one on one with someone of the opposite sex, but they are just that, seemingly required. Bringing someone else along is not that difficult. –Jeremy Roloff
When it comes to men, I like just spending alone time with mine, with whom I can let my guard down because he only cares for my wellbeing. Dining with another man by himself and watching out for his every move or overthinking how he responded or what he did sounds exhausting!
[Side note: The above paragraph probably made it seem like I think that all men are pigs and not worthy of time alone with a woman. I don’t think that at all. But let me ask you this: Just like with abstaining from premarital sex or drugs/alcohol, not having this kind of alone time with other men also prevents unwanted circumstances.)
As Promised, A Man’s Perspective
I don’t recall if VP Pence elaborated on his reason why he won’t dine with another woman by himself, but Chris did tell me more about why he never would, and it’s so simple, you’ll perhaps wonder why some hadn’t thought of it:
Some women lie.
I know–pretty controversial coming from a woman’s blog. But I wasn’t offended. I know the extent to which some women lie to get their way, and he’s worked with his fair share of shady women to now know what they do to get their way or get ahead.
He elaborated by saying that a woman (granted, a nasty one) who wants something, but couldn’t get it after being alone with the man, can simply say he did X or said Y, hurt his career, and end up getting what she wanted.
Does he sound a little pessimistic? Sure. But it’s this realistic, non-sissy way of thinking that’s allowed him to become the man’s man he is today.
I’m, by nature, very trusting. Someone has to do something not-ideal to me (sometimes twice or three times) for me to know that they’re not to be trusted. Chris, by contrast, isn’t all that trusting from the get-go. He was never not-trusting with me (which let me “hook” him right from the start, for which I’m blessed), but with other people, he tends to assume the worst or see the bad before he’s proven wrong.
This, believe it or not, has allowed him to get quite far in life, settle customer service disputes, advance in his career, and more, and I know the balance of trusting-me and non-trusting-him (does that make sense?) is one factor that will help us grow more as a couple and family.
Would I Allow Him to Dine By Himself With Another Woman?
This post is about boundaries, so I understand if some of you are curious about the boundaries we may or may not have imposed on one another, so I’ll humor you by stating that no, I won’t allow Chris to dine alone with another woman.
“But don’t you trust him?” Yes, with my life, even. I know we value each other too much to ever consider something that’d harm that bond and future union.
BUT it’s because I trust him that I don’t want him to be in a position where someone else can compromise him. What if a woman starts touching him in a questionable way and he gently takes her hand away? He touched her, right? She could later say he did something more than that.
Now for the kicker: Would he allow me to dine alone with another man (even if on a professional setting)? Although he won’t come right out and say that he wouldn’t allow me, he knows I won’t. He’s at least implied (albeit gently) that I shouldn’t.
How about you? Where do you lie on the issue of boundaries within marriage? Would you dine alone with another (married) man? Would your fiancé/husband with another woman?