I’m Against Girls’ Nights (& Other Things That Take Time Away from Family)
I grew up with a certain mentality and was raised to hold true to my heart numerous things that (most?) women in America simply don’t.
You can find some examples of these things peppered throughout my blog, but in case you need a refresher, here are a few: I’m against premarital sex, I don’t support living together before marriage, I cherish my overprotective parents, I choose not to party/drink, I don’t need feminism…and I place my man above all else.
Now, let me preface the post below by stating that, even after I marry, I’ll never intend to offer marriage advice, because I’m not a professional in the area, I don’t have decades of experience, and I simply don’t want to seem like a know-it-all. These are just my opinions, my rants, re:my values (which I won’t change), based on what I grew up observing, common sense, and other sources I’ve read or heard.
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The gals at my work and I + our friends + male colleagues’ wives have started the practice of monthly girls’ nights, whereby, well, we get together for a fun and wholesome activity away from the men and children.
In principle, they’re great. I’ve only been able to attend one, and it was nice. Granted, it went way longer than I’d have ever allowed myself to do it (thankfully I left about three hours beforehand), and I didn’t finish my project then, but the company was good.
So naturally another girls’ night was in the works, and the proposed day would be on a day in which my fiancé and I see each other.
“Perfect,” I told them. “We can have a Couples’ Night!” (I get to be with the girls whose company I enjoy and my guy, who, well, I’m beyond smitten with. Win-win! [And honestly, I thought the gals might want their men there. Sadly, not so!])
Logistics got in the way and a Couples Night was no longer possible. So I hesitantly accepted right then. And my guy was “happy” (his words) to have me go and not have our usual get-together. “Go have fun!” He reassured me.
However, I wasn’t so enthused.
So after some thinking, I declined, and my female colleagues weren’t pleased. At all.
“You don’t see him everyday?” One asked. “Nope.. Only a few times each week. We’re busy so we gotta make each second that we do see each other count,” I replied.
“Why can’t you see him on that day at another time instead?” She insisted. “Because we have lives, and I can’t just change things like that,” I said.
“We’re giving you a month’s notice!” (As if a standing lifelong habit/date was easy to change a month in advance..) And on and on I felt like it went.
But I won’t budge. You know why? Because my fiancé is #1, plain and simple. And the limited premarital time I get with him is so precious, that I won’t compromise it for (almost) anything.
At times, he doesn’t realize how much he means to me, as I witnessed thru these messages:
Yup, he said he was “honored.” That was really cute of him. It also showed me I made the right decision as he, who was at first “happy” to have me “go have fun,” was later thrilled when he found out that he wouldn’t have to cut our time short that day. But it wasn’t an honor; it’s just what he gets by being with a Colombian chick!
As I told him in person later on the day I sent him that text:
I won’t abandon/take a break from my future kids or husband (in this case fiancé) for some Girls Night, when I deliberately chose to have those kids and marry that man, and dedicate my life to them.
Now if I feel like, say, going out with my mom for a couple of hours for maybe some shopping or pampering (this wouldn’t be a break, really, as I’d still be with family, and I never really seek opportunities to rest from things I love), then sure, the kids can stay home with my husband. (To which Chris added, “Yeah, I’ll gather them up to do the things they can’t do while you’re with them, haha!” He’s a charmer, that one.)
Or if he’s not home and the house is clean and he has some food to come home to (if he happens to be back before me), then yeah, I’ll go away for that same amount of time.
But the idea of “taking a break” from something or someone I vowed to cherish for the rest of my life seems ludicrous to me, and I simply don’t see myself doing that, ever.
We met up to check out a #weddingvendor, who turned out to be a letdown 😐. On the flip side, we got to take a nice (albeit freezing 🌬) stroll around our Capitol Building afterwards while on our way to dropping me off 🙃💑. By the time this was taken, he was so cold, he stopped smiling, LOL 😁😶. #sohappytogether #howistheweather (<< so effin cold in beautiful #saltlakecity) #thelittlethings 🏛🌌
The next day after that exchange, he reassured me that “you can take a break anytime you want or need. I know you said you don’t think you’ll need it, but it’s there if you do.” To which I replied that “as long as it doesn’t take time away from you, sure!” Because even though, as he says, “I may need some time for [myself] in the future,” I’ll keep insisting that I won’t sacrifice time with him/our family.
“…[A] twisted form of feminism has seeped into everything.” (Emphasis my own.) – Giustina, Domestically Blissful
At the end of the day, he and I don’t have a weird sense of dependency on each other. We’re interdependent, and whenever he wants to do something fun, he seeks to share it with me. (I’ll even sometimes suggest he do it with his work friends, but he just won’t do it without me. Same with me.) We’re starting a life together, for crying out loud: it’s only normal we depend on one another for stuff.
Simply put, I won’t seek fun outside of my family. That’s not something I was necessarily raised to believe, but rather something I developed, which is why I can count my friends in one hand–and three of those are my parents and fiancé.
But what I WAS raised to strongly hold on to (and what my mom’s talks and behavior with my dad + Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s books have reinforced in me) was that a husband is the priority. We’re not into that “submission” mumbo jumbo that some women preach. Instead, we’re more “the man is the head, but the woman is the neck” type of women.
My fiancé is #1. And the limited premarital time we get is so precious, that I won’t compromise it.
Taking care of him, respecting him, spending time with him, (<<more from Dr. Laura) should be a (good) wife’s goals. And that, in turn, leads to a good husband who has no room for anyone or anything besides his family. (My dad is a prime example.) What more could I want? Why would I ever even challenge that or try to get the good husband outcome via other means that aren’t as considerate of his needs?
Even now, as (just) a fiancée, I’ve promised Chris that I’ll (try to) be the best dang wife he could ever imagine. He already thinks I’ll be one (Aw), and making him #1 will sure help me get there.
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Are YOU married/engaged and into Girls’ Nights? Why or why not?
