Why Have Kids to Outsource Their Care?

There are two Youtuber/influencer moms whose content I enjoy watching regularly because of how “real” and down-to-Earth yet practical their tips can be.

One of these moms is pregnant with her and her husband’s third kiddo and has been on the Rachel Ray Show. Her older kids are four and two and go to “school”; I’ll call her “K.” The other mom is a soon-to-be divorced mom of three kids–six-year-old twins and a four-year-old–who also attend school. I’ll call her “M.”

The reason I’m highlighting these moms in particular is, not just because I like most of their content, but also because of something they seem to make obvious in several of their videos, or that at least is obvious from their content: And that is their kids not being in it.

Now as someone who abhors content that sells and exploits kids (you know, stuff where the kids take the spotlight and unknowingly help their influencer parents sell whatever image or lifestyle the parents want to portray), I applaud these women for not focusing their content on their children.

K sometimes has content on her social media featuring the kids, but M will always either show the kids from behind or absolutely exclude them from her work. In fact, a production company wanted to feature her on a reality show but she declined after it became a requirement that she feature her kids.

Hallelujah!

Anyways, since it seems like these women–and many like them–care so much about their children, I find it mind-boggling to hear them talk about the kids either being at daycare (because “preschool” for a two- and a four-year-old is just… daycare), in the case of K.. or how much time they have to themselves now that their ex-husband has them half the week, in the case of M.

OF COURSE it can follow, at least for some women, that when kids are away, Mom can play–or do whatever they want and need.

But is that the right mentality regarding kids?

I mean, why have them if you can’t wait to get rid of them?

If this sounds familiar, it’s because this ISN’T the first time I call on families to NOT have kids if they won’t care for or parent them.

[bctt tweet=”Why have kids if you can’t wait to get rid of them?” username=”hisweetannie”]

So when moms, in the case of M, for instance, talk about how “happy” they are(1) because they have so much free time to themselves now that their exes have the kids for half the week, I do wonder:

• Did you not have enough time to yourself when the kids were away at school for eight hours each day?
• With all your influencer and side hustle money, why not get a Peloton or Tonal (etc.) and do your workouts at home so you didn’t have to waste time commuting to a gym?
• Did your then-husband not help you AT.ALL. when the kids were at home so you could do something for yourself?
• Were the kids only good at making messes(2) and not cleaning up after themselves?

–Sidenotes–

1.
On her most recent video, M can’t stop talking about how “happy” she is now that she’s divorced and her kids are gone half the time. Sure, her hair looks more blonde/fake, her makeup looks like she’s wearing more of it, and her schedule seems freer (even though she used to have the time for shopping and friend lunches before when her kids went to school?)..

But she doesn’t really seem all that happy or content, to be honest. I can’t pinpoint it, but she seems more eager to APPEAR happy, and as a result, she looks more desperate than anything. Although I guess if I wasn’t allowed to spend all my days with my kids and I had to instead kill that time by pretending to enjoy myself doing things to take my minds off them, I’d be hiding behind the I’M HAPPY façade too.

Another thing that rubbed me the wrong way is how she went on and on about leaving an unhappy marriage and how she’s happier now because she’s not married to the guy she’s been with since they were teenagers.

As if our spouses were in charge of making us happy! (Newsflash: they’re NOT.)

No, WE are in charge of making ourselves happy: It follows that, if you CHOSE WISELY and married a sane, healthy person, doing things that please our spouses and that make them happy to come home to us will naturally make US genuinely happy. (And vice versa.) Happy enough that we can’t wait to see them. And that’s how it is with many actually happy marriages!

So I’ll never understand what it means to “grow apart” or leave an unhappy marriage that I was (honestly) too lazy to at least try to be content in, because it’s not about what marriage can do for me, but rather what I can do for MY marriage.

[bctt tweet=”It’s not about what marriage can do for you, but rather what YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.” username=”hisweetannie”]

2.
Her cleaning videos always included appalling messes throughout her home, and as the mom of a toddler who loves to genuinely help me clean and do chores, and the wife of a man who cleans up after himself and helps me keep things tidy–especially as we embark on our minimalism journey–I honestly always wondered, “Who are these beasts she lives with?” And, “Does she just let them make messes so she can have content for her videos?”

If the former, I’m impressed she never instilled any discipline or asked for help. I’m also impressed she could stay for so long (they were high school sweethearts?) with someone who didn’t appear to help her around the home. If the latter, I’m also impressed at the lengths she’d go to simply to make some money.

–End of sidenotes–

Am I envious?

This thought has crossed my mind, and, in case some haters have thought it too, I have the answer:

The time these women have because either an ex or a daycare has the kids–from several uninterrupted hours each day to several days in a row–to devote to what they enjoy doing can seem like something to be jealous of.

After all, who wouldn’t want to spend their day running errands, filming videos, meeting up with friends, filming themselves talking to strangers they’ve never met and pretending they’re all friends, or (in my case>>) blogging and/or woodburning?

But I honestly can’t see myself doing that every day; I’d be incredibly bored and I’d miss my kids a LOT. Fortunately, I don’t need more than a few hours each month to devote to my hobbies, and I’m blessed to have a husband who not only values me staying home with our kiddo, but also helps around the house and is great with the kids.

I’m also blessed we live off a single income (>> I bet you didn’t see that coming!) because it keeps our expenses down, our debt nonexistent, our lives minimalist, our home uncluttered, and our lifestyle healthy and focused on our real priorities.

I didn’t decide to start a family so that I can also profit off said family or abandon them–all so I could have “freedom” to do stuff to just pass the time because they’re an inconvenience.. all while some minimum-wage worker can make my kid(s) compete for an ounce of affection, food, toys, germs, etc. with some other kids whose parents also care too little for them.

What to do with the kids instead?

I’ll never understand why some couples have kids if they’re a nuisance that they’d rather not care for, or be with, all day.

As for me, I choose to involve them in our day-to-day activities so they see what goes into managing a home and family.

Our oldest (who’s almost 3), for example, loves to help me with the laundry: He’ll bring his hamper from his bedroom and empty it into the washing machine. Then when the clothes have been washed, he sometimes helps me move them to the dryer all by himself.

He also enjoys helping us unload the dishwasher and move the dishes, utensils, etc. to where they belong in the kitchen.

If I need to do something on the computer, I’ll sit by him while he plays.. If I need to vacuum, he’ll stay in his playroom while I go around the house with the vacuum cleaner. If I need to pick up some dog hair or food he dropped on the floor, he’ll either bring me the handvac when I ask him or pick up/clean up after himself when prompted.

Sometimes he helps by being an extra pair of feet and hands, and sometimes he helps by staying out of the way. However he wants to contribute or even when he just wants to chill, play, and enjoy our company, I’ve found him to be such a great buddy and an absolute sunshine to be around.

I’m so fortunate to be his mom and spend my time with him.

So I couldn’t imagine leaving his side for extended periods of time simply because he’s an inconvenience. Why did we have kids if all along I wanted some alone time, or if I wanted to nurture a career rather than a family?

I hope this post showed you the silliness of having kids only to entrust them to paid help, why I don’t understand why divorced moms are happier when their kids are gone, and why I’ll never sell our family or our home to online strangers.